Gratitude_2.22.2020

 

Today, I am grateful for the abundance of love that God has showered onto my life through the people he brought into it.

I know I am loved by God and that is enough, but as a young, and often childlike woman, being blessed with such beautiful humans to walk with me in life during the good and the bad days is something I wake up grateful for every day.

I am grateful for how strong of a bond my sisters and I have cultivated, through effort, through grace, and through compassion.

I am grateful for the times they bring wide grins to my face and make me temporarily forget whatever stress or illness I might feel consumed by.

I am grateful for Victoria who inspires me with her passion for fashion and aesthetics, and for her devotion and generous love and support to me, her friend.

I am grateful for my mother who’s sacrificed much in her love for us, and in her obedience to the God she believes in with her whole heart and soul.

I am grateful for being 6 months seizure free! I am grateful for being healthier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

I am grateful for the chance and the spirit to try again with new mornings, new days, when fear or anxiety takes hold of me because of the uncertainty of the future or because of circumstance.

I am grateful to be refined day by day in my twenties, whether it be through fire or gentle breeze.

I am grateful to know that the God who has me and my life in the palm of his hands loves me so much. I am grateful to be walking in his love. And that because of this, my path is sure. Regardless of whatever life throws my way.

I am grateful for these people in these photos. They bring me such deep, deep joy. I can not begin to explain in any accurate manner just how grateful I am to have them in my life.

Things I Started and Stopped Doing in 2019

2019 is the year I started making my bed every day, not bringing junk [food] to my bed, flossing every day, exercising regularly, saying no more consistently to relationships and activities that are foolish or unhealthy for me, saying yes to healing over bitterness in relationships, choosing more whole foods over dank foods, setting boundaries with things, acquaintances, friends, and loved ones, and keeping regular lists of items and things I’m grateful for at top of mind.

2019 was also the year I let go of a life dream that was very important to me, I stopped letting the status of my health determine my happiness, I stopped trying to please everyone at the expense of my happiness and wellbeing, I loosened the hold pride has on me, particularly in asking for help–the severity of which was realized when I was hit by a motorcycle in May and observed myself refusing anyone, friends’ and co’s offer to help at the site of the accident and during my recovery, I let go of “cool friends that make me look cool”, but make me rot inside, I let go of the hold financial security has on my emotional security and happiness, and I finally gave room for all my trauma to breathe so I can now watch it wither in the light of being known.

2020 will be a year of me creating and bearing an influx of seeds and fruit, of no longer apologizing for things I shouldn’t be apologizing for, of being more consistent in my values, and being more consistent in my nos and my yeses, having the self-control to lift myself up in wholeness and dignity, of being more focused, of more of seeing people for who they are rather than what do they do/look like/come from/or have, of being more involved in works of justice and mercy, and of championing good works unabashedly.

I envision

A strong, but young sapling, growing into something a little more. Things withering, falling off to the ground, and other parts strengthening and thickening. Trunk strengthening, branches complicating. And then there will be a great flowering. 🙂

 

I feel like next year will be a year that will be full of a great flowering for me: full of a lot of creating and giving. I hear the rumble of a great personal awakening. I don’t know what it looks like, but I feel it, deep in my soul.

What will your year look like?