On Not Being Able to Persuasively Express What I’m Thinking

“The person who says he knows what he thinks but cannot express it usually does not know what he thinks.”
– Mortimer Adler
I had so many thoughts swimming around in my head ever since I was a kid (like 4-6 conversations and that was and still is the normal mental setting for me), and from my teenage years through my early twenties, it was so. unbelievably. hard for me to express my thoughts to others. It was as if 6 internal streams of thoughts were trying to squeeze out of a really small tube, and they’d end up coming out all garbled and messy. I was the farthest thing away from being articulate.
I struggled with this a lot and had many a “passersby” and a formerly close girlfriend comment often and casually that I was scatterbrained– and if I were to be honest, those comments hurt a lot then. As a young, impressionable person, I let those words make me feel belittled, unheard, and insecure about my self-worth (when in fact, it was just my nature and at that time my unattended ADD! Nothing wrong with that. ). In the summer of 2016, I decided I was never going to let someone use that word in a way that made me feel less than again (let’s that was a belated act of self-love) and so I started a blog to write down all my thoughts, public or not, concise or stream of consciousness-like,- whatever! The premise was that I was going to learn to own it, and I’d own it all.
For the next years, I practiced reading out loud for 10 minutes every morning and getting comfortable with “conventional” trains of thinking, verbal reasoning, and argumentation.
 
Now, one of my discerning strengths is in public speaking (and I still occasionally read out loud or study how others speak to work on my speech and cadence haha :))
[By providence] these criticisms fueled me, and played a role in shaping the person I am today.
I guess this is just a little morning love letter to my younger self. 🙂 and to someone else who might be coming from similar experiences.
Love,
Soo
 
 

England

Today is my last day in England and I’m honestly a bit sad to leave.

England ended up being the perfect place for me to rest and freshen up– in part because nothing felt new here.

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[For context, often times when you are traveling to a new country and it’s too unfamiliar (whether it be from the transportation style, interpersonal behaviors, lifestyle pace, or type of cuisine), the trip ends up feeling more exhaustive than healing, especially.. when you’ve decked out a week’s itinerary befitting a music band on tour]. Fortunately now, due to the the rampant innovation, cultural and people exchange, and systemic adoption of technologies that have lead economic centers to operate and appear fairly similar to one another, one can expect a growing predictability for navigation and assimilation in any urban or cosmopolitan city. You will quickly feel that New York reminds you of London, London of Seoul, and that Seoul reminds you in turn of a bit of Paris.
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Shoreditch Grind – I really appreciate the energy of this neighborhood.

 

Coffee shops were frequented, a disgusting amount of desserts were dabbled in, and dance floors conquered. I ate this delicious cheese that tasted like caramel fudge (The Gjetost! Mon dieu!). I even danced my first Scottish dance, and met a gentleman in full Scottish garb with dagger.

 

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What is life without dancing to techno in a room full of old master paintings?

 

Amidst the buzz of catching up with old friends and partaking in some good old entertainment, I was able to spend a great chunk of my stay exploring and appreciating all that nature had to offer unique to the terrain [and sheer size] of its country.

 

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Out to see a boat race on the River Cam.

 

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It was the first time in my life experiencing first-hand so many kinds of birds (they were everywhere, omnipresent, realy all about England) and I’m certainly leaving Heathrow with a newfound affinity for them. Watching their activity across various environments, feeding,

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Imagine seeing a horde of birds feeding and sticking their butts in the air as if under a spell of strange choreography, and seeing this against a backdrop of some beautifully landscaped park or skyline– it’s comical.

and passing so gracefully through the weeping branches of willow trees all lent me feelings of relaxed freedom and calm. I felt very glad.IMG_9721.JPG

The pigeons and the geese here were also surprisingly cute here and I sympathize a bit for the ones back home (perhaps if we didn’t treat ours like termites, they might appear more clean and endearing like the ones in England, I don’t know).

I also saw herds of cows in their natural habitat during my walks which was really nice.

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Like Gustav Klimt’s The Park. I grew up in a suburban area and close to New York, the city of cities, so I was never exposed to much of anything nature outside of grass, skinny trees, and mountain trails my family would take road-trips to. And half of my childhood interaction with nature was spent in the shelter of a car, with me looking through a window.

 

I walked nice trails in well protected parks multiple-vehicles-wide. And oh! Everything was so well gardened and trimmed.

I smelled flowers with aromas so strong and heavenly I became overwhelmed with feelings of different shades I’ve never felt before.

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Captured in a 4 x 6: Me becoming overwhelmed by nature.

 

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This is a beautiful plant I saw, although I have no idea what it is. It reminds me of the skin of freshly picked Concord grapes. Lusciously juicy.
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My favorite. If a flower was a pretty song.

Overall, this trip was a good time for me to re-center myself, slow down, and to re-learn an appreciation for the things right in front of me.

I am leaving re-charged.

Bises, Soo