trauma is a scary thing
You think it’s gone,
but then you find it lingering
where the nails meet skin
the sharp things live
where the speedometer runs high
when the loud sounds ring.
Complement with this reading: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van der Kolk, M.D.
The rain might keep falling
The weather unchanging
but still my soul will keep on singing of your promises to me
you delight in me
that there lie green pastures and a bounty of joy everlasting //waiting at a table for me
Surely goodness will follow, even as this rain continues to fall
And So I Will Keep On Singing
I’ll keep on singing of your goodness, your goodness, your goodness….
Until this rain transforms, these dry bones rise, I will keep on singing of your goodness to me.
love letters to a younger self //
if i could travel time,
i’d tell my younger self how much she was loved.
how perfect she is
how everything will be okay
how much she’ll laugh and smile
how she’ll fall in love
over and over again
how she’ll be surrounded by people that make her grin uncontrollably
how everything will look beautiful to her again
how she’ll come to love her body
how she’ll come to love touch
how she’ll come to love her mind
how she’ll come to love others
how she will become love.
My eyes gouged out
My heart pierced through
All was dark inside
But you pulled me through
You pulled me through
Out of the darkness into your glorious light
God how can it be
This life that’s changed for me.
It’s a waste of time
If you’re not using your mind
Woah those lines just rhymed.
When will he come?
Heart beats once/
I quiet the useless murmurs of this heart
Something I drafted up walking and reflecting sometime on July 31st and cleaned up just now while resting my sore body from dance in bed, sweet bed:
It started out in my phone’s notes app like this: “Something I wish my younger self knew: – “
Don’t victimize yourself
You’re wasting your time
Visualizing into existence
an iron prison for your mind
You’ll lock your personhood for years
Telling yourself that you have no control
That life is scary,
That things are ruthless,
That everything is meaningless.
But Change the narrative
And you’ll seek and find
More than prison //
The things that happened
You can’t chase them away as if they’ve never happened
But will yourself
And let them go
And you’ll find, you’ll see
Your power once lost
I could choose to feel pain, complain, and struggle for the rest of my days
In response to the things in
my mind and my life
or I could choose to feel joy every step of the way
which – gives – life?
“People who shut their eyes to reality simply invite their own destruction, and anyone who insists on remaining in a state of innocence long after that innocence is dead turns himself into a monster.”
– James Baldwin
1 part Pretense
1 part Earnestness
Bubble. Smooth. Leaven.
Add new voices.
Holding onto the promise and truth that my God makes beautiful things out of dust.