On Not Being Able to Persuasively Express What I’m Thinking

“The person who says he knows what he thinks but cannot express it usually does not know what he thinks.”
– Mortimer Adler
I had so many thoughts swimming around in my head ever since I was a kid (like 4-6 conversations and that was and still is the normal mental setting for me), and from my teenage years through my early twenties, it was so. unbelievably. hard for me to express my thoughts to others. It was as if 6 internal streams of thoughts were trying to squeeze out of a really small tube, and they’d end up coming out all garbled and messy. I was the farthest thing away from being articulate.
I struggled with this a lot and had many a “passersby” and a formerly close girlfriend comment often and casually that I was scatterbrained– and if I were to be honest, those comments hurt a lot then. As a young, impressionable person, I let those words make me feel belittled, unheard, and insecure about my self-worth (when in fact, it was just my nature and at that time my unattended ADD! Nothing wrong with that. ). In the summer of 2016, I decided I was never going to let someone use that word in a way that made me feel less than again (let’s that was a belated act of self-love) and so I started a blog to write down all my thoughts, public or not, concise or stream of consciousness-like,- whatever! The premise was that I was going to learn to own it, and I’d own it all.
For the next years, I practiced reading out loud for 10 minutes every morning and getting comfortable with “conventional” trains of thinking, verbal reasoning, and argumentation.
Now, one of my discerning strengths is in public speaking (and I still occasionally read out loud or study how others speak to work on my speech and cadence haha :))
[By providence] these criticisms fueled me, and played a role in shaping the person I am today.
I guess this is just a little morning love letter to my younger self. 🙂 and to someone else who might be coming from similar experiences.

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