May 3, 2019_Friday

I had a tough week this past week.

Every day was like carrying a big rock on my back and my chest [emotionally and mentally].

And I couldn’t seem to pinpoint the why.

I had an eventful and fun week, yes and done connected with people I like, and did the things I was supposed to do, but that doesn’t mean I was mentally or emotionally well through and through.

Sometimes, you’ve built good systems and processes and they prevent and protect you from breaking down on a foundational level, but you can still have soul-turmoil at any point in life.

I’m grateful for the friends and the schedule that distracted me from it during the days and into the nights.

Without it, I, human as I am would have gotten sucked down by the gravity of my feelings.

I know now it is the worst to keep myself to myself when I’m heavy in heart or in mind. It’s like encouraging soul-suicide.

It warps everything else. Because the things going inside.. whether the duration is temporary or long term begin to squeeze and alter everything else around– kind of like a cancerous tumor… and they dim you, change you.

But you’ve got to bring in others and keep a community very close (I cannot emphasize this enough) to you that are not occupied with such thoughts. They will, whether you recognize it or not immediately, shed a beam of fulle light into you, when everything else inside is squeezing down and closing in.

Think of community as your armor against an unhealthy, disoriented, frame of reference-stuck mindset.

Think of community as the things that help you breathe.

Give your mind and heart the space to loosen some of the tangles going on. Sometimes, you need to time to let the unconscious process what your conscious mind cannot. (ps, if you want to learn more about this, you can get into neuroscience, and you’ll find your way with the understanding part :))

You can accelerate the loosening of the tangles with help, such as getting personal counsel, looking to friends, and also starting to journal to see how you’re actually processing things.

Or sometimes you’re stuck, and you need to give yourself a day, or two. Maybe you need to let that breathe on its own too before telling it to go and putting an end to it. And that’s okay.

But, put an end to it you must.


 

In fact, I know what’s been hurting me.

I’ve just been afraid to call it out by name.

 

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