“Half of the harm that is done in this world
Is due to people who want to feel important.
They don’t mean to do harm– but the harm does not interest them.
Or they do not see it, or they justify it
Because they are absorbed in the endless struggle
To think well of themselves.”
– T. S. Eliot, The Cocktail Party
I just overheard a couple in the elevator of the building shaming a colleague of mine whom I’ve come to respect for asking them to key into the office building– as one should. The woman (1/2 couple part) was furious that this person (who often mans the reception desk) asked her to key her card when she knows she works at the building and sees her dog come in all the time.
Now, granted, the perks of professional or personal camaraderie can be awesome (and I love to sneak in without keying my card– I’m lazy and being lazy in a stealth way is awesome in my personal opinion), but they’re a bonus– in the end of the day you have earned nothing, done nothing to warrant your feeling of deserving or expecting such perks. Just because you’ve familiarized your dog with the building’s zone or peeing areas doesn’t mean you have any more basic rights than what you came in with. So please don’t be affronted as if you were denied them. It sucks, and I prefer to not key my card too. But rules are rules. and you can’t be shaming and shitting on humans for trying to do the best at their job and get through their day
Anyways the elevator ride was quite long and the woman continues on saying things like “I don’t like her, she always had a bitchy face”.
I find it horrible to see women to this day, my age and over judging other women based on how they look, or what they wear. Often times you see us doing this to compensate for our personal insecurities, to qualify our behaviors and actions, and our propensity to want to stay in control.
What if this girl has a bitchy face?
She could be the kindest person you know.
What if she’s dressed in a way that looks affected and crazy for you?
She could be the most down to earth, low-maintenance woman you know
What if she’s curt?
She could just be trying to do the best at her job, not get in trouble, and get through her day.
But would you even care to know?
My mind is FIRE right now having heard this beautiful woman with a beautiful dog saying such ugly words. It corrected my own previous actions when I’ve lashed out too from lack of sleep, stress, or just a present unhappiness in my situation. when I had 0 patience. on people who don’t deserve it.
Every day I live seems to be another day of realizing just how capable I am and you are of being infinitely loving and infinitely cruel.
It’s an onus on us to be taking what we see, what we hear, and what we do, through feedback loops via careful introspection and folks we trust, and learning to see the kind of people we really are– then we must work to repurpose all this ugliness back into this world in way that is more beautiful, refined, correct, and loving.
That is my hope.
Leaving this here.